i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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