New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
