Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
