Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
