you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
