she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
