the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Randomize
