I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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