there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
