I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
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