Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You don't make any sense
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