You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
