OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
