This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
