Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
