You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
i've created a new STD.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize