He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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