the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
