Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
