Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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