Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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