okay pat passed out under dana's car
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
