We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize