I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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