i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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