in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You need a sexual gate keeper
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
