You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
