i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
