Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
