Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
