i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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