I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
