I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Randomize