No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
