i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
