y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize