i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
