Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
