Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
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