He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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