too bad you live with your parents still
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
