dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
