porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He shit in the fireplace
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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