I'm going to rape someone's good day.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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