i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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