My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
