They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize