We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
