omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
