So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
