im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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