i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
