Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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