He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
