the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
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