Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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