and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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