I wish you could order shots online.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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