I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize