Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
