That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
