i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
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