I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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