he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Randomize
