is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
