Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
