Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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