pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Randomize
