All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
