but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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