i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
