I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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