just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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