I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize