i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
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