definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
