I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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