he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
