I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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