Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
how drunk are you?
Several
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
