flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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