The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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