so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
