Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
