It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
