You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
