I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I need to stop coming to work sober
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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