I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
