I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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