the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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