Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
My liver just had a heart attack.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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