I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
That accounts for only three of the penises
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
