dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
