can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
