clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
