Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
