ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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