Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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