my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
