and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
