He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
