I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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