I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
