I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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